Shouting into the Storm Rantings, ramblings, observations and musings from the insipid to the sublime

Friday, August 30, 2002 :::
First off, a plea - if you read these, drop me an email. The link is right over there------->

One of my favorite scenes in "Bull Durham" is the Learning the Clichés scene. Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner before he lost all of his talent, teaches his young apprentice Nuke LaLoosh, Tim Robbins before he was a Serious Actor in Shawshank Redemption, the clichés of baseball. "I'm just happy to be here, and god willing, I can help the club." Those who follow sports will recognize these right away, with a quick nod and chuckle. The phrases can be found at all level in sports, right down to the high school freshman being interviewed by the local weekly newspaper.

There should a book out about dating clichés. I'll list my personal favorites, almost always uttered by the ladies. Women, if any of you are actually reading this, I'll make you a deal. If you write, I will post a follow-up with your favorite guy dating clichés. Now that the gauntlet has been throw down....

"I'm just looking for a nice guy who will treat me well" - Usually heard after a lady has been Done Wrong by her successful, preppy, high-paid boyfriend. The guy fit all of the criteria. Tall, good hair, straight pearly white teeth, snappy dresser. Yet underneath that spotless exterior laid an asshole frat boy. Just shocking. Unfortunately, what the young lass really means is she wants that same easy on the eyes guy minus the inner asshole.

"Looking for someone laid back, relaxed, doesn't sweat the small stuff, who is comfortable spending a night in, but is focused, driven, career and goal-oriented." - Yes, and I would like to watch the sun rise and set in the east. Especially in a city like DC, this is a tremendously naive thing to look for. The career-oriented guy is consumed with the idea of promotion, of getting the next rung on the ladder. Given the choice between a blockbuster night on the couch and networking with upper management in the company, blockbuster loses 9 times out of 10.

"Why can't I meet someone just like you?" - True story. One Monday morning about a year ago, I stumbled into the middle of a female bitch session. Three women were going through a list of guys that had approached them at clubs, and wrinkling their noses at the ineptitude of the men. Suddenly realizing this was not a good conversation to be involved in, I quickly finished getting my coffee and turned to run. Too late. "Chris, why can't we meet someone nice like you?" After taking a sip of java, the best I could come up with was "Why settle for a cheap imitation when you could have the genuine article?" This was met with a wave of giggles and "Oh, you know what we mean." Unfortunately, yes, I did. I'm guessing many guys are reading this now, nodding and mutter obscenities under their breath.

"The best pickup line 'Hello'" - Of all of the clichés, this is the one that makes me want to scream out BULLSHIT the most. Variations on this are "I'll go out with any guy who asks" and "All a guy has to do is come up and say hi to me at the bar." Often used by someone who wouldn't consider being the aggressor.

So, yes ladies, guys are dogs for doing what we do, and some of us are chumps for falling what y'all do. But please, please, please, come up with something more original, or at least more honest than these. It'll get your farther, and seperate the chaff from the wheat quicker.

::: posted by Chris at 4:59 PM

(0) comments <$BlogCommentDeleteIcon$>
Post a Comment

Shout Back


Rantings, ramblings, observations and musings from the insipid to the sublime

Powered by Blogger